Friendship

     So I as thinking about friendships the other day.  We often (well I do anyway) put values on friendship.  What value exactly I am not sure.  But some immaterial value.  And I keep score.  You have this many points.  She has this many.  He has this many.

     Haha...I'm just kidding.  But, seriously.  I was thinking about this because recently I have, haha who am I kidding for as long as I can remember I have held friendships at some value, been evaluating people's value to each other.  And not good values, like a person should have certain values.  No, these values are how we see ourselves and others in our eyes.

    So, for example, I was thinking about some friends away right now.  And one of them is this guy I have met and am getting to be pretty good friends with.  Well another of my friends went on the same trip.  And I am worried that because those two friends went on this trip they'll be even better friends than I am with the first guy.  And to top it off I'm having to work with being upset with the second guy because he is dating another of my friends.  That's all well and good, but it makes me jealous I don't have a girlfriend...haha.

    If you just read that and are like huh?   That means you're probably normal.  Besides the fact that I used so many ambiguous terms.  First off though, please hear this:  I love all those people.  It's just I'm having a hard being happy for them and the experiences that they are going through.  They are on a missions trip right now.  I know I am a jerk.  I mean really.  They are on a mission's trip!  It has been a bumpy ride for them and I know God has blessed them in so many ways.  I won't lie.  I am jealous of what they are experiencing together because I know their friendships and relationships will be even stronger as a result of that.  And I want that to be my prayer, but my selfishness is stubborn.

    What it comes down to it, it is me swallowing my pride and selfishness, and joining in on the joy they have experienced that I must come to.  It's so hard knowing that something great went on and you were not apart of it.  You missed out.  I know God had a reason for sending only those who went and not sending those who did not go.  But it's rough.  As I wrote this I thought of Romans 12:15, "Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep."  And that's just it.  I know I should be happy but it's going to take work.  And of course weep and be sad with those who are going through hard times.  That is as well hard because I could just say, "No, I won't be sad.  I'm not on that trip, so I don't care if their flight got delayed."  No, no, no!  This attitude is so wrong.  I should be sad and weep.  They are my friends...my brothers and sisters in Christ!

   I just really wanted to express that and get it out.  If you think of it and would prayer for my attitude, that would be very much appreciated.  If you could pray that I would just be filled with joy and excitement at what this team experienced and what God did and is doing through them.  As well if you would just pray for the team's safe return.  They are in Angola and will be returning Sunday evening.