Wow. This is a subject I really cannot even begin to write on because I struggle so much in this area. It's so hard for me to be content with where I am right now. Would I much rather say "I'm really content and life could not be better"? Yes! But honestly I'm just not there right now. Don't get me wrong though, I am, and know quite well, that I am blessed in so many ways. More ways than I can list. But for a long time there has been a constant discontentment in my life. Now I know everyone is discontent at different times for many reasons. But this is different.
I find myself wishing I looked different, had certain friends, have some sort of popularity (it's shallow I know), had a better walk with God, more spirituality, etc. There is just an overall discontentment in my life. It's a lot I know. Don't worry I'm not going to do anything drastic and I am not overly depressed. I am just discontent. Now I know this is not good. When I am discontent it leads to all sorts of sin. I become jealous of people, self-centered, and turn inward and not let anyone in. I know this is something I'm going to have to work through before I can move on in certain areas of life, it's just hard. I wish it would be as easy saying I don't want this or I don't want to be like that. But it's not that easy. I would appreciate prayer in this area.
"I know both how to have a little, and I know hoe to have a lot. In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret [of being content]--whether well-fed or hungry, whether in abundance or in need."
Phil. 4:12
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
nothing will ever be the same
It changes everything. This is another life. A separate entity. Ella Jane Icardi. For Mike and Laura everything is going to be different.
I was thinking about that over the short time we had in VA. I know it's a cliche to say that a child changes everything, but think about it. That is so true. I mean while the baby is in his or her mom's stomach the baby is apart of their mom. It's just the husband and wife. But once that baby joins them and enters the world we call earth that family goes from two people to three people. Bam. There is now another life to support. While that is a huge blessing, it is also a huge responsibility.
These things have really been hitting me. So, while I love Ella and so glad she is apart of the Icardi family, I've realized I'm so glad that I do not have a child. I'm more than glad to wait a while for that. :)
I was thinking about that over the short time we had in VA. I know it's a cliche to say that a child changes everything, but think about it. That is so true. I mean while the baby is in his or her mom's stomach the baby is apart of their mom. It's just the husband and wife. But once that baby joins them and enters the world we call earth that family goes from two people to three people. Bam. There is now another life to support. While that is a huge blessing, it is also a huge responsibility.
These things have really been hitting me. So, while I love Ella and so glad she is apart of the Icardi family, I've realized I'm so glad that I do not have a child. I'm more than glad to wait a while for that. :)
Sunday, July 18, 2010
baby day.
(From yesterday)
My day started off pretty normal. Woke up around 4:40am for work. Ok, maybe not so normal. But I had to open at Brueggers so I had to be there at 5:30am. Yes, it's pretty rough.
Anyway, I got to work and the day started off pretty well. I put caffeine in and got energy out. And at different times of the day it was crazy busy at Brueggers which was great. So later on during the day I received a text that would change my life.
"Ella jane was born at 1105."
Yes. Yes, I'm an uncle! Praise the Lord! Overall, the whole birthday process went well and both mom and baby (Laura and Ella Jane) were good, except some bleeding Laura experienced. But now they are both better. This is so crazy to think about. I can't believe I'm an uncle. I can't believe my brother and sister-in-law have their own child! (Ya, I know it sounds like some kind of merchandise. But ya know she's not.) It's just amazing. God has blessed them with this little one.
Wow, is really all that can be said. So after my shift ended at 1pm at Brueggers I got home, I chilled some and cleaned up, we packed up our rental car, and hit the road for VA.
We are just so excited and cannot wait to hold that little one in our hands. As cliche as it is, she's our little angel and she's a blessing from God. Plain and simple. I just still cannot believe it.
My day started off pretty normal. Woke up around 4:40am for work. Ok, maybe not so normal. But I had to open at Brueggers so I had to be there at 5:30am. Yes, it's pretty rough.
Anyway, I got to work and the day started off pretty well. I put caffeine in and got energy out. And at different times of the day it was crazy busy at Brueggers which was great. So later on during the day I received a text that would change my life.
"Ella jane was born at 1105."
Yes. Yes, I'm an uncle! Praise the Lord! Overall, the whole birthday process went well and both mom and baby (Laura and Ella Jane) were good, except some bleeding Laura experienced. But now they are both better. This is so crazy to think about. I can't believe I'm an uncle. I can't believe my brother and sister-in-law have their own child! (Ya, I know it sounds like some kind of merchandise. But ya know she's not.) It's just amazing. God has blessed them with this little one.
Wow, is really all that can be said. So after my shift ended at 1pm at Brueggers I got home, I chilled some and cleaned up, we packed up our rental car, and hit the road for VA.
We are just so excited and cannot wait to hold that little one in our hands. As cliche as it is, she's our little angel and she's a blessing from God. Plain and simple. I just still cannot believe it.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
really bad at keepin' up with this thing..
At Thrive Youth tonight, Josh has been teaching a series on Spiritual gifts. This was the third week. I missed the first week or two so I'm not totally sure how he has approached it all, but tonight he spoke a lot on passions. While passions are not our actual spiritual gifts, they help, I think, show what our spiritual gift/gifts is/are.
Josh went through a list of questions that were aimed at helping the kids consider what there passions are. The questions included things like what is one thing that when we see it moves us to action, what is one thing that we cannot stand to see people live without, and such. They really were good questions to get the students (and also me) thinking about our passions. That was the first part. And it was good.
The second part, while somewhat depressing, resounded a little more with me in that it caused me to think a little more. And it was about Passion Killers (sounds kind of like pain killers...which is a good thing...haha). Anyway, Josh shared a list including things like sin, doubt, fear, self-focused, and apathy as things that take our passion away. Sin, doubt, self-focus, and apathy struck me as four things that stood out in that list that I struggle the most with in terms of what kills my passions. The sin simply takes away my passion because I think I've found something better which replaces my passions. I doubt because I do not think God is able to use me for big things. I'm self-focused and think I know what is most enjoyable so I replace that with what truly would make me happy. Finally, because I am apathetic I do not care enough to follow my passions.
These things hit home in that I realize they have been ousting my passions. Often, and only to my detriment, I think I know what makes me happy. When in fact, I've been "settling" for what I think is good. From this I've taken that I need to stop sinning, doubting, being self-focused, and being apathetic. Yes, yes I know that is impossible because I'm not perfect, but I know what I need to strive for.
"All that we call human history--money, poverty, ambition, war, prostitution, classes, empires, slavery--[is] the long terrible story of man trying to find something other than God which will make him happy."
-C.S. Lewis
"Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."
-C.S. Lewis
P.S. Sorry it's been so long. Proud of you if you made it through all the above scribble and thoughts. Hopefully I'll start writing more. Though I always say that and it never happens. Oh well.
Josh went through a list of questions that were aimed at helping the kids consider what there passions are. The questions included things like what is one thing that when we see it moves us to action, what is one thing that we cannot stand to see people live without, and such. They really were good questions to get the students (and also me) thinking about our passions. That was the first part. And it was good.
The second part, while somewhat depressing, resounded a little more with me in that it caused me to think a little more. And it was about Passion Killers (sounds kind of like pain killers...which is a good thing...haha). Anyway, Josh shared a list including things like sin, doubt, fear, self-focused, and apathy as things that take our passion away. Sin, doubt, self-focus, and apathy struck me as four things that stood out in that list that I struggle the most with in terms of what kills my passions. The sin simply takes away my passion because I think I've found something better which replaces my passions. I doubt because I do not think God is able to use me for big things. I'm self-focused and think I know what is most enjoyable so I replace that with what truly would make me happy. Finally, because I am apathetic I do not care enough to follow my passions.
These things hit home in that I realize they have been ousting my passions. Often, and only to my detriment, I think I know what makes me happy. When in fact, I've been "settling" for what I think is good. From this I've taken that I need to stop sinning, doubting, being self-focused, and being apathetic. Yes, yes I know that is impossible because I'm not perfect, but I know what I need to strive for.
"All that we call human history--money, poverty, ambition, war, prostitution, classes, empires, slavery--[is] the long terrible story of man trying to find something other than God which will make him happy."
-C.S. Lewis
"Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."
-C.S. Lewis
P.S. Sorry it's been so long. Proud of you if you made it through all the above scribble and thoughts. Hopefully I'll start writing more. Though I always say that and it never happens. Oh well.
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