People matter.

    What really matters?  This post certainly doesn't.  You'll probably forget it like that devotional or fictional book you just were reading the other day but can't remember what it was about.  No, I'm not trying to say you're forgetful.  It's just fact.  We consume way too much visually, even if what we view/read is memorable, to remember most information.  Like that we need to love.  Yes, I have no doubt you'll forget this post.  I'm ok with that.  You better remember people though.

I was thinking today (no, don't be surprised).  It was about things that matter.  And I got to pondering, where it is so easy to do so, that so often I forget what is important.  It is often a choice I make though.  Like when I am walking behind a person and know who it is but choose not to hurry up a bit and engage them.  I often don't because they're the kind of people who it is either awkward to talk to or that once I get in a conversation with them I feel like I will never escape their clutches.  I'm just being honest.  That really is a horrible thing though.

People do matter.  The fact that I purposely go out of my way to avoid someone is so wrong.  Yes, you heard me right, wrong(!)  People are important.  When it comes down to it they really are the only thing that matters.  So I know you'll forget this post.  I hope you do actually because it does you no real good to remember it.

There's only two words I hope you've gotten out of this:  People matter.

Next time you're walking right behind that awkward person or pass that person in Starbucks but avoid eye contact because you know the minute you lock eyes you'll probably be talking with them for the next hour.  Please engage them.  And you never know when a simple conversation could make someone's day.  Believe me; you need it!

Transitions.

I hate them.  They are not easy.  They mean change.  Readjusting.  Re-scheduling.  Re-organizing.

This past Saturday saw the next step in life as I returned to the industrial yet sometimes friendly city of Jax. It's a big step from my bagel-selling summer.  I wasn't ready to come back up here.  Though I never am.

But transitions are good things.  Despite myself being against coming back up here (and not because I do not like it up here, but because of the change) I am now back and into the swing of school.  I know I hate change because it upsets the status quo.  I don't like not knowing what comes next.  And transitions mean that we must let go of the present that we understand and can hold and exchange it for something we don't know or can predict (even if it is returning to somewhere we've been before.)

But I know transitions are good because they shake me out of stagnation.  Too often in my own life I prefer something I know, something familiar because it is comfortable.  It does not require work.  Call it laziness (and it probably is that) or what ever it is but I prefer it.  And I know this has also seeped into my spiritual life.

Going to church, hanging with my Christian friends, going to my Christian events, and the like have caused me to fall (as it so often does) into a season of life where I do those things and kind of let life pass me by without taking action.  And it is a dangerous thing because I am not being the man God has made me to be.  He has called me and every other believer to action.  Not to sit around like a stagnant pool that grows algae.  And that is why we need transitions.

That is why I need transitions.  I think that is one reason we have transitions in our lives.  I wouldn't put it passed God to use the many changes in our lives to stir us up from out complacency.  So live life with purpose.  Really live it.  Don't let it pass you by.

Contentment.

Wow.  This is a subject I really cannot even begin to write on because I struggle so much in this area.  It's so hard for me to be content with where I am right now.  Would I much rather say "I'm really content and life could not be better"?  Yes!  But honestly I'm just not there right now.  Don't get me wrong though, I am, and know quite well, that I am blessed in so many ways.  More ways than I can list.  But for a long time there has been a constant discontentment in my life.  Now I know everyone is discontent at different times for many reasons.  But this is different.

I find myself wishing I looked different, had certain friends, have some sort of popularity (it's shallow I know), had a better walk with God, more spirituality, etc.  There is just an overall discontentment in my life.  It's a lot I know.  Don't worry I'm not going to do anything drastic and I am not overly depressed.  I am just discontent.  Now I know this is not good.  When I am discontent it leads to all sorts of sin.  I become jealous of people, self-centered, and turn inward and not let anyone in.  I know this is something I'm going to have to work through before I can move on in certain areas of life, it's just hard.  I wish it would be as easy saying I don't want this or I don't want to be like that.  But it's not that easy.  I would appreciate prayer in this area.

"I know both how to have a little, and I know hoe to have a lot.  In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret [of being content]--whether well-fed or hungry, whether in abundance or in need."
Phil. 4:12

#documentlife: ella jane icardi

nothing will ever be the same

It changes everything.  This is another life.  A separate entity.  Ella Jane Icardi.  For Mike and Laura everything is going to be different.

I was thinking about that over the short time we had in VA.  I know it's a cliche to say that a child changes everything, but think about it.  That is so true.  I mean while the baby is in his or her mom's stomach the baby is apart of their mom.  It's just the husband and wife.  But once that baby joins them and enters the world we call earth that family goes from two people to three people.  Bam.  There is now another life to support.  While that is a huge blessing, it is also a huge responsibility.

These things have really been hitting me.  So, while I love Ella and so glad she is apart of the Icardi family, I've realized I'm so glad that I do not have a child.  I'm more than glad to wait a while for that. :)

baby day.

(From yesterday)

My day started off pretty normal.  Woke up around 4:40am for work.  Ok, maybe not so normal.  But I had to open at Brueggers so I had to be there at 5:30am.  Yes, it's pretty rough.

Anyway, I got to work and the day started off pretty well.  I put caffeine in and got energy out.  And at different times of the day it was crazy busy at Brueggers which was great.  So later on during the day I received a text that would change my life.

"Ella jane was born at 1105."

Yes.  Yes, I'm an uncle!  Praise the Lord!  Overall, the whole birthday process went well and both mom and baby (Laura and Ella Jane) were good, except some bleeding Laura experienced.  But now they are both better.  This is so crazy to think about.  I can't believe I'm an uncle.  I can't believe my brother and sister-in-law have their own child!  (Ya, I know it sounds like some kind of merchandise.  But ya know she's not.)  It's just amazing.  God has blessed them with this little one.

Wow, is really all that can be said.  So after my shift ended at 1pm at Brueggers I got home, I chilled some and cleaned up, we packed up our rental car, and hit the road for VA.

We are just so excited and cannot wait to hold that little one in our hands.  As cliche as it is, she's our little angel and she's a blessing from God.  Plain and simple.  I just still cannot believe it.

really bad at keepin' up with this thing..

At Thrive Youth tonight, Josh has been teaching a series on Spiritual gifts.  This was the third week.  I missed the first week or two so I'm not totally sure how he has approached it all, but tonight he spoke a lot on passions.  While passions are not our actual spiritual gifts, they help, I think, show what our spiritual gift/gifts is/are.

Josh went through a list of questions that were aimed at helping the kids consider what there passions are.  The questions included things like what is one thing that when we see it moves us to action, what is one thing that we cannot stand to see people live without, and such.  They really were good questions to get the  students (and also me) thinking about our passions.  That was the first part.  And it was good.


The second part, while somewhat depressing, resounded a little more with me in that it caused me to think a little more.  And it was about Passion Killers (sounds kind of like pain killers...which is a good thing...haha).  Anyway, Josh shared a list including things like sin, doubt, fear, self-focused, and apathy as things that take our passion away.  Sin, doubt, self-focus, and apathy struck me as four things that stood out in that list that I struggle the most with in terms of what kills my passions.  The sin simply takes away my passion because I think I've found something better which replaces my passions.  I doubt because I do not think God is able to use me for big things.  I'm self-focused and think I know what is most enjoyable so I replace that with what truly would make me happy.  Finally, because I am apathetic I do not care enough to follow my passions.


These things hit home in that I realize they have been ousting my passions.  Often, and only to my detriment, I think I know what makes me happy.  When in fact, I've been "settling" for what I think is good.  From this I've taken that I need to stop sinning, doubting, being self-focused, and being apathetic. Yes, yes I know that is impossible because I'm not perfect, but I know what I need to strive for. 


"All that we call human history--money, poverty, ambition, war, prostitution, classes, empires, slavery--[is] the long terrible story of man trying to find something other than God which will make him happy."
-C.S. Lewis


"Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."
-C.S. Lewis

P.S. Sorry it's been so long.  Proud of you if you made it through all the above scribble and thoughts.  Hopefully I'll start writing more.  Though I always say that and it never happens.  Oh well.

More than a drizzle...

I just want to sit and watch the rain with you,
Just stroke that silk chocolate you call hair.
We wouldn't even talk, just let the rain talk for us.
Wish I could just sit next to you
And know we'd always be together,
Knowing that the dark clouds would never be what our undoing looked like.
Oh, that this would not be a fantasy,
That this would last...or at least begin.
For I fight in my mind and remember that these are just wishes.
For your smile draws,
Like an empty stomach to its nourishment.
Your infectious laugh is all I need.
I wish to wish you the best,
But it is so hard when I know all the rest.
For we are but friends and perhaps always will be.


(Just something I wrote in senior year.  I added punctuation when I wrote it on here.)

Summer

So it's summer now.  I'm really hoping to have a job soon.  I feel so much that I need one.  It won't be the end of the world if I do not get one but it would be a blessing if I did.  I would appreciate y'alls prayers for that.

So, a friend of mine suggested I make a list of things that I want to get done this summer, otherwise I may not really get stuff done.  I haven't given it enough thought, but I have two things I would like to get done/accomplish/etc. First, I want to get a job.  Hopefully full-time, but I'll take what I can get.  Second, I have been feeling that this summer I want to do something.  And I don't mean just whatever.  But I want to find a ministry or some other organization that I can be involved in, as time allows.  I am not sure exactly what, but I want to at the end of the summer feel like I actually did something that in the long run will count.  I don't want to look back and just be like, ya I worked and made money, hung out a little, and that's all.  If you all have any ideas about ministries or organizations that would be appreciated.

Finals

...week.

You know what that means?  Lots and lots(!) of caffeine.  All-nighters.  And tests and papers to do/study for.  Awesome :)

Psyched.

I was reading my bro and sis-in-laws blog (http://icardi.wordpress.com/2010/04/17/a
-little-bit-of-crazy/) and am getting excited to be an uncle. Laura has pics up on the blog.

Healing Begins

So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do
So we think that you're good
And you can't believe it's not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside

So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won't disappear

So let it fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now
We're here now, oh

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark


-Tenth Avenue North (single from their upcoming album, The Light Meets the Dark)

Blast to the past.

     Sitting in Basic Astronomy right now.  Teacher slightly droning on about terrestrial and jovian planets.  So what am I doing?  On the computer of course.

     I was perusing the pictures from the Thrive 2010 All-Nighter and thinking about back when I was in high school.  I cannot believe I am not in college when I think back to earlier days.  Life was interesting then(still is...haha).  But I just think about who I was and about friendships.  It was crazy in high school.  I worried about where I stood with friends and things for me could hinge on a single conversation.  I wanted to be popular and liked by all, of course (who doesn't/didn't?).  And my world really revolved around youth group and other church activities as well as school.

    I don't have much to write, really just what was above.  It was just interesting seeing those pictures and thinking about when I was in high school and never really  thought college would happen...and now I am here.

Airports.

     So I am sitting here in the Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport awaiting the Angola Team to return.  I drove with Aaron Stinson up here from Jacksonville, FL to see them return.  As of right now, 8:24pm no sign of them, but praying that they will be here soon.

     Airports are crazy places.  I love them, but they are indeed insane palces.  Peopl going; people leaving.  Tensions high.  Muscles relaxed as loved ones re-unite.  I love these hubs of bustling action.

     As I wait for the arrival of the team there is a knot or some uneasyness inside my chest.  I'm just waiting for the team to turn the corner to where they will become visible for me to relax.  But until then I'm tense.

     This trip has been a ...Chris, husband of one of the girls on the team just called and the plane landed.  It's 8:28pm.  Praise the Lord!  Uneasyness residing.  Such great news...  The trip was full of turmoil and rough patches.  Yet I believe it was full of amazing times and changes that rocked the team's world.  That's what I hope and pray.  My processing of all of this has been mixed.  But I just have to come back to Romans 12:15, "Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep."

     Praise the Lord we returned safely to Jacksonville; everyone is pretty wiped out, though.  Got to hear from some of the members who traveled back in the car I was in.  Cannot wait for you guys to hear from the team.  It's going to be great!

Friendship

     So I as thinking about friendships the other day.  We often (well I do anyway) put values on friendship.  What value exactly I am not sure.  But some immaterial value.  And I keep score.  You have this many points.  She has this many.  He has this many.

     Haha...I'm just kidding.  But, seriously.  I was thinking about this because recently I have, haha who am I kidding for as long as I can remember I have held friendships at some value, been evaluating people's value to each other.  And not good values, like a person should have certain values.  No, these values are how we see ourselves and others in our eyes.

    So, for example, I was thinking about some friends away right now.  And one of them is this guy I have met and am getting to be pretty good friends with.  Well another of my friends went on the same trip.  And I am worried that because those two friends went on this trip they'll be even better friends than I am with the first guy.  And to top it off I'm having to work with being upset with the second guy because he is dating another of my friends.  That's all well and good, but it makes me jealous I don't have a girlfriend...haha.

    If you just read that and are like huh?   That means you're probably normal.  Besides the fact that I used so many ambiguous terms.  First off though, please hear this:  I love all those people.  It's just I'm having a hard being happy for them and the experiences that they are going through.  They are on a missions trip right now.  I know I am a jerk.  I mean really.  They are on a mission's trip!  It has been a bumpy ride for them and I know God has blessed them in so many ways.  I won't lie.  I am jealous of what they are experiencing together because I know their friendships and relationships will be even stronger as a result of that.  And I want that to be my prayer, but my selfishness is stubborn.

    What it comes down to it, it is me swallowing my pride and selfishness, and joining in on the joy they have experienced that I must come to.  It's so hard knowing that something great went on and you were not apart of it.  You missed out.  I know God had a reason for sending only those who went and not sending those who did not go.  But it's rough.  As I wrote this I thought of Romans 12:15, "Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep."  And that's just it.  I know I should be happy but it's going to take work.  And of course weep and be sad with those who are going through hard times.  That is as well hard because I could just say, "No, I won't be sad.  I'm not on that trip, so I don't care if their flight got delayed."  No, no, no!  This attitude is so wrong.  I should be sad and weep.  They are my friends...my brothers and sisters in Christ!

   I just really wanted to express that and get it out.  If you think of it and would prayer for my attitude, that would be very much appreciated.  If you could pray that I would just be filled with joy and excitement at what this team experienced and what God did and is doing through them.  As well if you would just pray for the team's safe return.  They are in Angola and will be returning Sunday evening.

It's been too long...

...(and since I'm fasting Facebook, I have to have some outlet to communicate with people).

All I want to say is that I'm blessed.

You have no idea.  When I think what I have compared to the plight of others it just does not even compare.

Thank you Lord!